Review: Amanda Palmer's 'The Art of Asking, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help'

An emotional rollercoaster, Amanda Palmer's The Art of Asking, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help is an unfiltered, uncensored look inside her life. Pretty much all of it-the reader is treated to and lambasted with an unapologetic search for self.

Even a casual listen to the Dresden Dolls or Palmer's solo work shows that. There are few than can bare themselves (physically and otherwise) the way Amanda does through her songs. I have no way to describe her music style, and I've been doing that with other people's stuff for years. It is a listen you have to make yourself. Just imagine all emotion blasted at you in a manic phase, punctuated by piano, drums and other instruments on one piece; and then withdrawal into a vulnerable plea for something read between the lines of Sylvia Plath's journals in the next. That asking to be understood, heard, and recognized.

Beyond an unusually supportive fan base, Palmer has become more publicly known for her successful Kickstarter campaign, which financed the album Theatre is Evil with the Grand Theft Orchestra. Her TED Talk also attracted great attention, for her concise explanation of a philosophy gained through years of experience, and again, that search.

There is a Zen quality to Palmer's steps in her growth as an artist from those days of being the Eight-Foot Bride. The Art... is a stream of consciousness, a traveling show that collects fellow musicians, fans, hosts of the many spots Palmer crashed overnight, interspersed with ninja gigs and antics that make mainstreamers cringe.

And along the way, Palmer did the very thing we all seek...she made contact.

The paying of one's dues is chronicled here. Busking as a bride, working as a stripper, an ice cream scooper, a dominatrix and gigging musician, Amanda lays out the economics of the game. She did the same things musicians do, trying to make a name for herself on the cheap. Palmer's issues with her former record label are noted, and a cautionary tale for those who may get that "deal" pushed across someone's desk at them.

When you're a public figure, you get criticized. You will get picked on, and in this social media age, it's markedly more venomous. Hate-filled screeds, name-calling, threats and abuse have been heaped upon Palmer, for I think, actually making something of herself. How many of these "people," I wonder, tried to make it and failed. How many more did nothing but complain and blame others for the problems they thought they had?

"Honest communication engenders mutual respect, and that mutual respect makes askers out of beggars." The most difficult thing, Palmer points out, is indeed to ask. One further point she makes: if you are not ready to hear, "No," then you may have a problem.

Amanda touches on the askance in her relationship with husband Neil Gaiman. Too many think that the world-famous author is bankrolling Amanda, but read the discussions in this book. She, like all humans, struggle with asking, be it for money, for some kind of help, or just to listen. For some it is a matter of pride, and in others it's fear to be seen as weak.

You've had these moments, too, as have I. We all have them.

There are a lot of conversations here, in particular many with Amanda's next-door neighbor/mentor/therapist/best friend, Anthony Martignetti. The relationship Amanda has with this man was formative, and still is. Readers of her blog will know she cancelled a tour in order to be at Anthony's side in his battle with leukemia. In this aspect like the others, Palmer bares everything.

"Our first job in life is to recognize the gifts we've already got, take the donuts that show up while we cultivate and use those gifts, and then turn around and share those gifts...Our second job is to accept where we are in the puzzle at each moment. That can be harder."

The Art... is a fast read, and the reader sits beside Amanda Palmer as she tells her story. You are there; you get the thought process, and you come to understand a unique "way," one that is not unknown to artists no matter what is created. The result is a close bond, a relationship with those people Palmer sought to touch with her music. It's not just looking out into a darkened room, theatre or a packed stadium to catch someone's eye...it's to make contact, possibly the only contact that someone is going to have all day long.

Take this flower, or as she also says...TAKE THE DONUTS.

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