The Onion Sends Up Neil Simon & David Mamet In Hilarious Mock Essay

Reliably amusing internet satire staple The Onion has turned its attention to two of America's most well-known and acclaimed contemporary playwrights and screenwriters, Neil Simon and David Mamet, in a new essay all too appropriately titled "Any Of You C*cksuckers Feel Like A New F*cking Neil Simon Play?"

Entirely from the perspective of pseudo-Simon, the tone and style is straight out of charged-up Mamet scenes ala GLENGARRY GLEN ROSS, complete with their characteristic brute force and outlandishly colorful bad language running rampant.

The essay begins, "So I got to thinking the other day. I was looking through the countless Tony awards, Emmy awards, honorary degrees, and Pulitzer Prizes I've received over my celebrated 52-year career and it hit me: You know what, it's been quite a while since I, Neil Simon, lit up the Great White Way with one of my bittersweet theatrical confections. So how 'bout it, as*holes-any of you sons of bitches feel like a new show from yours f*cking truly?"

The title line appears next in a clear cut tip of the hat to Mamet, "That's right, I'm talking about a brand-new sh*t-hot piece of certified Neil Simon gold. Any of you c*cksuckers up for that?"

The playwright's own theater is hilariously referenced as well, "Put it up at the Lyceum, or at the Palace. Or maybe we get a 36-week run at the Neil F*cking Simon Theatre and I bag another couple Tony noms and a Drama Desk Award. Holy hell, don't you realize how easy this is for me? What a joke this is?"

Check out the entire The Onion article here.