'The Burlesque Mayor of New York City', Announces Candidacy for 'Actual' Mayor

Jonny Porkpie, the "Burlesque Mayor of NYC", declared on Monday his intention to seek the office of "actual" Mayor of New York City. Porkpie, a born and bred New Yorker, made the announcement to an enthusiastic crowd on the stage of Public Assembly in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, where he produces the monthly show "Jonny Porkpie's Bad Ideas". Porkpie's declaration of candidacy was met with enthusiastic hooting and hollering, several wolf whistles, and a demand that Porkpie "take off [his] shirt!" In a demonstration of his firm commitment to the needs of the voters of New York, Porkpie immediately complied.

Porkpie explained that his decision to throw his hat into the ring came when he discovered that Times Square's "Naked Cowboy" was running for the office. Eschewing the more level-headed campaigning tactics popularized in recent elections, Porkpie went immediately on the attack against the man he identified as his main opponent, citing the Cowboy's trademark 'tightie-whitie' briefs as evidence of chicanery. "It all comes down to trust," said Porkpie, sternly. "How can New Yorkers trust a man who calls himself 'Naked' while wearing boy panties for the whole world to see?" Porkpie also called into question what he called the Cowboy's "New Yorkicity". "We welcome all types in our fair city," Porkpie said, magnanimously. "From all over the world, and wearing all sorts of stupid outfits. But voters should ask themselves this: when looking at your mayor's chapeau, do you want it to be a symbol of the wild west? Or do you want it to be the hat worn by "Popeye" Doyle in the classic New York film The French Connection - the hat about which Charles Mingus wrote a song when in New York City -- that is to say, the Porkpie hat!"

Millinery argument aside, Porkpie remains confident that he is as viable as any other candidate for mayor. "I may not have millions of dollars to cram your mailbox full of paper spam like incumbent Michael Bloomberg, but I do have one thing he doesn't have -- an entire city full of sexy, talented friends who will take their clothes off in support of my campaign." On the Monday, September 14, the eve of the New York City mayoral primary, Jonny Porkpie will make a last-ditch effort to seduce the voters of NYC using any and every means necessary. The event promises to be the most entertaining political rally of all time, as Porkpie will issue his position statements in the form of live burlesque numbers, performed by top stars of NYC striptease including Dirty Martini, and more.

"I invite all candidates to join me on September 14 for a spirited debate on the stage of Public Assembly," emoted Porkpie, "And to -- as I will -- lay their policies bare for all New Yorkers to see. I intend to pursue a rigorous stance of full disclosure during this event, as well as throughout my mayoral campaign -- can you do any less?" Jonny Porkpie's "PORKPIE FOR (actual) MAYOR" rally will be held at 10:00pm Monday, September 14 as part of Monday Night Burlesque at Public Assembly, 70 North 6th Street, Williamsburg. Admission is $10, tickets available at the door.