Review - Omigod! Let Elaine Stritch Be A Judge On The 'Legally Blonde' Show!

The Palace Theatre. An engagement to appear before an audience at that aptly named showplace, where the kings and queens of vaudeville would hold court on a 2-a-day schedule, was once the Holy Grail of show business. "Playing The Palace" was the dream of every vaudeville performer and the term is still used today to describe someone who has reached the top of their profession. And for those who headlined at The Palace... Well, having top billing at The Palace used to mean that you were among the best stage performers that American entertainment had to offer.

Soon, having top billing at The Palace will mean that you've won first prize in a television game show. After a rumor-filled week, it was announced last Friday that the next actress to play the starring role of Elle Woods in that theatre's current tenant, Legally Blonde, will be voted the role by the public in a new MTV show, much like the way the two stars of the latest Broadway revival of Grease were selected. Now, I recognize the possibility that the young actress who wins this plum role might actually turn out to be pretty good. Heck, she may even turn out to be the next legendary queen of musical theatre. But the whole business still sickens me. It cheapens Broadway. We choose our president through television appearances and public voting. Shouldn't Broadway be above all that?

Certainly none of my modest scribblings on this web site will keep this spectacle from happening, but if the lovely folks at MTV just happen to be reading, I was wondering if you might consider one modest proposal:

Get Elaine Stritch to be a judge.

I mean it. Get Stritch. Because as far as I'm concerned, any actress who can survive the televised audition process and come out of it with the Elaine Stritch seal of approval is good enough for me.

And Stritch would be such fun on the show. Just imagine watching some American Idol type who just massacred "My Funny Valentine" with her vocal gymnastics fighting back tears as an outraged Stritch gives her a firm lecture on the importance of respecting the composer's melody and paying attention to what the lyrics mean. And you know that at least once during the series some kid is going to complain she has a cold and Stritch is going to scream out, "I did a Wednesday matinee and evening performance of 'Call Me Madam' with a 104 degree fever during a blizzard in Minneapolis with 20 people in the audience! Now you get up there and sing 'Omigod, You Guys!'"

Of course, with Elaine Stitch as the bad cop you'll need someone a bit gentler to be the good cop, and I think Barbara Cook would be perfect. After Stritch sends every contestant weeping to the floor in self-loathing agony, Cook can be there to help nurture them to the point where they're ready to learn how to sing correctly and give strong acting performances through the music and lyrics.

And Elle has to dance, right? Get Tommy Tune to be the third judge and teach the contestants (and the country) the importance of dramatic content in musical theatre choreography.

Okay, you got Elaine Stritch, Barbara Cook and Tommy Tune. Now I'm ready to see a TV show to pick the next star of Legally Blonde.

And look at it this way, MTV. Hiring Stritch, Cook and Tune for the show will help you tap into an audience that might not otherwise be watching... people who love musical theatre.