Ah, the results show - a truly riveting spectacle of time wasting complete with dramatic montages, repeat (sorry, "encore") performances and primetime with Brooke Burke-Charvet in the skybox. I really don't know if I could fully appreciate the emotions of the dancers if Brooke didn't outline them me with her obnoxiously specific baiting questions, so I for one am glad the hour-long elimination allows ample room for extra interviews.
Tonight's show was particularly amusing, painting the stars as weary, dance-battle worn heroes triumphing over brutal choreography and the stinging critiques of the judges after just two performances. Maybe no one told them, but there are still eight weeks to go and it doesn't get real until someone takes to the floor dressed as a matador to tear into a good paso doble.
It did strike me as a bit odd that D.L. Hughley compared putting on frilly clothes and learning a few dance steps to a competition in which children fight to the death, but once you spice up the footage with a grand, sweeping score and cut in a few troubled looks the analogy makes much more sense.
Despite the melodrama, the elimination delivered in its final moments with a real twist as Dorothy Hamill announced her withdrawal from the competition due to what could be an "irreparable" injury after securing a spot in the next round earlier in the show. She said it was "a wonderful ride and [that she wished] she could stay," but was happy to be a get-out-of-jail-free card for fellow contestants Lisa Vanderpump and Victor Ortiz. Carrie Ann Inaba praised her for her decision, saying, "I admire you for taking care of yourself. You're setting a good example."
So, in a sure upset for fans, Dorothy hit the road this week. Here's hoping Victor gets the axe next round when she isn't there to come to his rescue - that guy's got too much attitude and not nearly enough talent (or relevance) to make up for it.
In the meantime, prepare to bask glorious tackiness of next week's prom-themed episode. It promises to be a wild night full of powder-blue tuxes and ridiculous cummerbunds, delightfully awful throwbacks and nostalgic retellings of prom nights past from whoever Brooke can get her hands on.
For more highlights from the night, check out the breakdown below:
The Encore
Zendaya nabbed this week's tweet-controlled Encore - surprise, surprise. It may have had something to do with the fact that majority of show's the viewers who know how to work a hashtag still watch the Disney channel, but her jive was one of the only routines that was actually worth a second watch, so I'm certainly not complaining.
The Chopping Block
Victor and Lisa ended up in the bottom, which was only surprising because Wynonna Judd and D.L. Hughley did an even more atrocious job than they did. Wynonna looked like an old fogy from a nursing home that decided to take a ballroom dancing class and D.L. got a gold star for trying but still wound up with a cumulative score of 28. The fan vote never ceases to amaze.
While Victor and Lisa are nothing to get excited about, Dorothy's withdrawal does mean we'll get to see more of adorable rookie dancer Gleb Savchenko, who I'm about 90% was plucked straight out of ZOOLANDER (the name, the hair, the face, the slight air of confusion - tell me you don't see it).
The Performances
Icona Pop's neon techno rave might have been stomachable if they hadn't cut to a shot of the judges waving glow sticks around like the uncool chaperones at a middle school dance. Really, nobody wants to see that.
Thankfully, Josh Groban was there to keep the show from slipping into totally lame territory. Not only was his performance of his latest single, BRAVE, beautiful enough to put a choir of angels to shame, it rang of the hope and encouragement that the contestants apparently need after their trying first elimination round.
The Murgalowe
In the midst of rehearsals and training to become a dancing lifeguard, Sean Lowe and his partner Peta Murgatroyd somehow found the time to spark a new internet trend. After tweeting a picture of themselves "mid-inch worm," they began receiving picture responses of fans mimicking the pose. Apparently, the Murgalowe is the new plank. They may not have broke ground with their routine this week, but becoming an internet meme is almost as good.
Videos