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Contest: Any Parody You Can Write, I Can Write Better (The Winners!)
By: BWW News Desk Jun. 13, 2005
Congratulations to: Dianne Fuzek, Kaitlyn Robrock, Craig Bushey, E.C. Stein, and Jason Miller!
Enter and Win!
"Old-Fashioned Wedding" from "Annie Get Your Gun" by Dianne Fuzek
They'll have a new-fashioned wedding
Performed in the good new-fashioned way
He'll vow to love him forever
He'll vow to love and honor and obey
Somewhere in some really sweet chapel
Someday when the orange blossoms bloom
They'll have a new-fashioned wedding
A simple wedding for a
new-fashioned groom & groom.
He wants a wedding in a big church
with groomsmaids & flower boys
A lot of ushers in maribou & bugle beads
Reporters, and photographers
A ceremony with a bishop
Who will tie the bow and say
Do you agree to love & honor
Love and honor, yes, but not obey!
He wants a wedding that's surrounded
by sequins and spangles
A big reception at the Splash Bar
Pink champagne and petit fours
A wedding like Elton John's planned
Everything big, not small
If we can't have that kind of a wedding
We just won't get married at all!
Forget About The Show by Kaitlyn Robrock
No more standing in a line today!
This is so ridiculous, I say!
No more time
Will I waste standin' here in line
TKTS is oh so slow, so I'll go, don't need no tick!
Forget about the show!
Not worth it
These lotteries give me a fit
Can't stand the way it all unfurls, pre-teen girls, I just hurl, ew!
Forget about the show
Forget about the show
But in the marquis
Aren't the lights so pretty?
Maybe I should really go see one
There are the juke-box musicals
At least it's not Seussical
But they're so expensive!
Yet so extensive!
Shout "Bravo!" and "Big Encore!"
I'll force my way a-through the door
I'll find the best seat there is
No, show biz is a fizzle!
Forget about the show
Forget about the show
Forget about...Phantom, Oh Phantom
Fan 1:
Wicked
Fan 2:
Scoundrels
Fan 3:
Rent
Fan 4:
Hairspray
Fan 5:
Chitty
Fan 6:
Altar Boyz
Fan 7:
Piazza
Fan 8:
Spamalot
Fan 9:
Spelling Bee
Fan 10:
Sweet Charity
Fan 11:
The Producers, best of all!
Lead: (Fans:)
Fiddler, oh Fiddler
Jewish fun (Who wants the "Wicked" Broadway smash?)
Such a ton of laughs (It's nothing but a pretty scene, Ben Vereen, a witch so green!)
All:
Forget about the show!
Lead: (Fans:)
Chitty, oh Chitty (What's the fuss?)
Flying cars (Over some guy whose name is Butz?) It makes me smile a lot! (Or squealing over puppet shows, Fosse hoes, theatre's closing!)
ALL:
Forget about the show Forget about the show
Forget about the show!
(Tapping interlude)
Shout "Bravo!" and "One more time!"
Musicals are just dance and rhyme
Maybe just one show of Rent . . .
By next Lent I'll have spent LOTS!
Forget about the show Forget about the show
Lead:
Forget about that show...
But in the twilight
Don't you think about rush
Fans:
Honey, you've no need to coo and gush
All:
You can stay at home and read a book
Don't let the White Way get a hook
Fan:
For when they start singin'
Lead:
"Bells Are Ringin'!"
All:
No escapin'!
Forget about the show Though you so love the show
Forget about the show!
VERNACULAR (To the tune of POPULAR) by by E.C. Stein
STEVEN SCHWARTZ:
Audience, now that you've paid hundreds of dollars to see my show, I've decided to make you my new project!
You really don't have to do that...
STEVEN SCHWARTZ:
I know - that's what makes me so nice! (sings) Whenever I hear someone less cheesified than I,
And let's face it, who isn't less cheesified than I?
My wordy brain feels the pain indeed.
But if you need someone lyrical,
My victory is Phyrric - all
the words I know, I bend to fit my need! So if your vocabular-resides
In dictionaries true and tried,
Don't worry if your words do not make sense
Don't feel so tense
From this day hence
For-getVERNACULAR! Give up the vernacular
Who cares for the common word?
I prefer tor-tured
Syll-A-bles and syn-TAX, ooh!
I'll show you how to contort
Mangle and distort
Nouns and adverbs to the max
It's spectacular!Once you get the knack-you'll learn
You'll never be stuck for rhymes,
You'll have such good times
Making language bow and scrape
So let's start
It's time to bend English out of shape!Hammerstein and Sondheim, by my frank analysis
Suffer from a little thing called word paralysis
Needing to make sense of things is so banal--
A system more elective
Is so much more effective
What aHACK YOU ARE,
If you use VERNACULAR
But if you do like I do
Break your words in two
Instead of letting language be
Then it's proven fact, you'll
Make a lot of dough like me.La-la, la-la-la-laaa!
Just turn your back on
The vernacular like me!
"I Wonder Why/ You're Just In Love"
from Call Me Madam by Craig Bushey
I hear ringing in the balcony
What in hell is that cacophony?
Interrupting my soliloquy!
Turn off that phone!
Turn off that phone!
I am trained in classical technique
But when I open up my mouth to speak
What's that noise that makes me ill at ease?
It's God damned Fur Elise!
Turn off that phone!
Hello Mom, I'll call you later
I'm in a Broadway thee-ater
The line's bad so I will have to shout. The show's good, it's not terrific
Just a play, there is no music
Dirty Rotten Scoundrels was sold out Oh my gosh, a man just shushed me
What a jerk that man, he must be
When he dies, he'll go straight to hell! Tell everyone I miss them all
And if they want, give me a call
Weekends are free!
I've got my cell!
"Our Joke That We Had First" by Jason Miller
(to the tune of "The Song That Goes Like This" from Spamalot)
We had a joke like this.
Now it seems it's not a crime
That it was stolen by a Brit.
Oh where is our joke that we had first?
(Where is it? Where? WHERE?) Girl: A fairly funny bit
That wasn't near as long
But now we get to say,
"We were robbed by Monty Python."
Oh this is our joke that we had first. (Guy: Yes, we did. Girl: Yes, we did. Guy: Yes, we did! Girl: YES, WE DID!) Guy: Now we can go straight
Back to 1998.
Forbidden Broadway Cleans Up It's Act. Girl: A flashback, now, will do –
Just for a sec or two.
And now, to flashback …(1998's Forbidden Broadway Cleans Up It's Act: Ragtime Segment: "A Really Long Note" (to the tune of "Wheels of a Dream"))Guy: In every show
There's one big ballad.Girl: That makes you weep
And clutch your throat.Both: We'll sing 'til the rafters ring
And emote 'til we over blow
And then this song –
This song will end –
With a really long note. (Back to present, tune of "The Song That Goes Like This")Girl: See, wasn't that our song? Guy: It's too close for us to be wrong. Girl: Let's stop this damn complaint – Both: But if it's all the same: That still was our joke that we had first!
About Forbidden Broadway Special Victims Unit
Forbidden Broadway, a favorite of New York theatre lovers and critics alike, continues to take aim at the bountiful bevy of Broadway's best with its current incarnation Forbidden Broadway: Special Victims Unit!This latest installment from writer/creator Gerard Alessandrini (which opened Off-Broadway on December 16th, 2004) slings its arrows at Wicked, Avenue Q, Movin' Out, La Cage aux Folles, Assassins, I Am My Own Wife, The Boy From Oz, Dracula and Bombay Dreams. Featured in the cast are Ron Bohmer, Jason Mills, Jennifer Simard, Megan Lewis and a special appearance on this recording by Christine Pedi. The show has been a major hit on four continents—Europe (London), Asia (Singapore & Japan), Australia (Melbourne) and several open-ended engagements in Los Angeles as Forbidden Hollywood – poking fun at the movie industry.Track Listing:
1. The Crime Scene (Tomorrow/On Broadway)
2. Forbidden Broadway: Special Victims Unit
3. Bombay Wet Dreams (Lullaby of Broadway/Hooray for Hollywood)
4. You Gotta Get a Puppet (You Gotta Get a Gimmick)
5. It Sucks to Be Us (It Sucks to Be Me)
6. Thoroughly Perky Millie (Thoroughly Modern Mille)
7. Movin' Out (My Life)
8. 'Night Mother (That's Amore/Ma, He's Making Eyes at Me)
9. Welcome to the Tonys (Welcome to the Sixties)
10. The Boy Who's Odd (I Got to Rio/Everything Old Is New Again)
11. I Love Patti (I Love Paris)
12. Das Mel Brooks Song (Haben Sie Gehört das Deutsche Band?)
13. Wickerder (Popular/Defying Gravity)
14. No Leading Lady Tonight (Luck Be a Lady Tonight)
15. Forbidden Assassins (I Am Not Worthy of Your Love)
16. Julie Andrews Hosts PBS-The American Musical: The Next Hundred Years
17. I Am My Own Cast (Willkommen)
18. Mamma Mi-Diocre (Mamma Mia/Dancing Queen)
19. Fiddler With No Jew (Tradition/Matchmaker/Sabbath Prayer)
20. Harvey Fierstein as Tevye (If I Were a Rich Man)
21. Bernadette Peters in Gypsy (Rose's Turn)
22. Ethel Merman & Friends (There's No Business Like Show Business)
23. Encore: "La Cage Aw Ful" (La Cage aux Folles/The Best of Times)
"The most gratifying and freshest Forbidden Broadway in years!"
—Ben Brantley, The New York Times, 12/17/04
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