Broadway Moms Part 2: I Want it All Kind Of Featuring Kerry Butler

 

 

 

 

 

Broadway Moms Part II: I Want it All Kind Of

Last month, on a quest to find out how Broadway Moms balance the demands of parenthood with the demands of a busy show schedule, I interviewed Supermom/Actress Marissa Jaret Winokur. Marissa provided a lot of validation and a ton of inspiration, but I was still left wondering how NY actors do it. Marissa found a terrific solution....move to Hollywood and become a TV star. While that option sounds very appealing, I think my voicemail must be broken because I haven't gotten a single message from any of the networks asking me to star in their next primetime series. Don't you just hate AT&T?

So until I get this whole voicemail situation ironed out, I thought it best to talk to someone right here in New York who is currently juggling a Broadway career with family life.

Before becoming a mom, Tony-nominee Kerry Butler had built a top-notch resume of leading roles in Broadway musicals. After playing Belle in "Beauty and the Beast", Eponine in "Les Miserables" and Shelley in the pop-hit "Bat Boy", she graduated to genuine Broadway Star status as Penny Pingleton in "Hairspray".

After becoming mom to her now five-year-old daughter Segi, Kerry continued to take Broadway by storm, receiving a Tony nomination for her role in "Xanadu". She spent six months starring as Sherrie in "Rock of Ages" and this spring, Mama Butler will be returning to Broadway as Brenda Strong in "Catch Me if You Can" at the Neil Simon Theatre.

So how does this busy mom manage to do it all and do it all so effortlessly?

"It's not as effortless as it seems" Kerry assured me. "It's easier now because now I know what i need in order to do it right. During Xanadu [when Kerry was a brand new mother], I went to work and it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I'd try to take her to the park in the early morning before rehearsals, then rehearse all day, come home and be with her and then when she went to sleep I'd have all my other work for rehearsal the next day."

Kerry was exhausted, stressed out and feeling guilty. Sounds like my regular life as a mom even when I'm NOT in a show.

"I used to count up the hours I'd spent with Segi every week to make sure I was spending more hours than the nanny was. It was really hard."

So who was taking care of Segi while Kerry was performing at night?

"Joey [Kerry's husband and Segi's Dad] tucked her in almost every night and so when I did tuck her in she would ask for my husband and it was killing me. Everything was great in terms of bonding but the tucking her in, that's a really important part of it and it was a struggle."

Suddenly Kerry's idyllic life of a performing mom wasn't sounding so idyllic.

"Something always suffers," she told me. My husband and I always say that our marriage was really hard that first year....At that age it's hard because it's fun but they need so much and take so much attention and a lot of that fell on my husband and that's why it was hard on our relationship. We were working opposite hours and he was taking care of the baby when I wasn't there. I felt like I was able to do my job 100% and be a mom 100% but I didn't have anything left over to give to my marriage. That lasted a year....It was horrible."

So what changed? How did Kerry manage to work six days a week, get the TONY nomination and go on to starring role after starring role?

"That's when I started getting one extra day off a week. That's what I started negotiating for."

That freed up some family time, but did little to quell the guilt.

"I don't like asking for shows off. Before I had kids I would never miss a show. I'd never call out sick. I'd have to be on my death bed to miss a show. I felt bad because a lot of people would come to see me in shows and they didn't realize I had Sundays off. I felt bad for the cast because I wasn't there all the time and they were. You feel guilty about a lot of things but I've found [the day off] is just something I need."

But surely there must be more behind Kerry's current success as a mom and an actress than a day off....and what about most of us who don't have the star power to negotiate something like that?

The answer: A major change in attitude.

"I used to be more of a perfectionist. You have to let go of that. I don't count my nanny's hours any more. I think I've let go more now. That's what I've found because at the end of the day, nothing's gonna come between us."

It all sounded dreamy but I still didn't understand where she finds these extra hours? How is it possible to audition, rehearse, perform and parent all within the confines of that darn 24-hour day?

"I'm definitely not able to prepare as much for auditions now, but sometimes that's a good thing. You treat your career as your job a job you're really lucky that you get to do but it's just not your world any more. You have your family and they come first."

But what does this mean for Kerry as a performer? If she's not putting all the mental energy and physical hours into preparing and planning....what kind of an artist does an actress/mom evolve into?

"I think...being a mom will bring so much more to your performance and your acting. Instead of focussing on the negative things, it makes you a more grounded person. It gives you a bigger heart with a bigger capacity to love. People will see that on stage. It's not a tangible thing but people can feel it from you. You are bringing something into the room or onto the stage that others don't have."

Today, Kerry has a new outlook and a new system. She takes time off between shows. Sometimes it's six months on, six months off. "It works if I can purposely take time off to just be a mom. I do it full time for six months and then I'm home. It's great having some time off. I turn a lot of stuff down so I can be with her."

So, has she found that perfect balance? Has the combination of taking time off and adopting a more relaxed attitude given Kerry the peace of mind every working mom strives for?

"You do your best at balancing everything. I'm still trying to figure that out."

I guess you never find the answer, or the answer keeps changing.

"You can't have it all. I think of that song from "Baby", I WANT IT ALL...but you can't have it all completely. You can have it all kind of. Once I realized that, I kind of learned how to make time."