“I value hard work. So why don’t I want to do it over and over again?”
Why was my love for art, for storytelling, not enough to push me every day? Crickets…my disappointment was palpable.
As I began my career, my ability for storytelling was equal parts fun and frustration. For a long time I looked for some kind of logic to explain my lack of motivation. Cue 2020 – in the middle of a freaking pandemic, my artistic journey was obviously not the top priority. But somehow, this need to explain my incongruence kept looming over me.
I made the choice to go back into training, in the hope that I could shed some light on this problem and find some sense of direction.
Fast forward through a series of events, fortunate and unfortunate, that led me to Atlantic (this one was fortunate, let’s not get that part confused). It didn’t take long for me to become painfully aware of the gaps in my artistic process. The first semesters over Zoom provided a soft landing opportunity to find the confidence and social capacity to connect with others again. Most of that time period felt like a perpetual loading screen. We were all trying to figure out what this new world meant for us as people and as artists.
And when we transitioned to in person…well — that’s where reality hit: the singularly most important thing I had been missing became apparent. Spoiler alert: it was discipline.
I had the drive, the passion, the imagination, the confidence…but I came to realize I never really understood the fine art of discipline. It’s deceivingly simple — everyone talks about it, but truly understanding discipline takes time.
I always saw discipline as a macro idea — something I could conceptualize as a goal to accomplish that would provide me with the right framework to thrive.
But it wasn’t until I was introduced to a truly disciplined and dedicated faculty, that I realized rather quickly an uncomfortable truth: discipline is only as good as every tiny choice it takes to have it.
Everything in retrospect made sense. How annoying is that?
I was excited to be challenged, but somehow always felt defeated. I was competing against myself, always striving to be better, but never quite reaching where I wanted to be — and that reality never fully made sense to me, until I finally understood that every millimeter and every second, every day, counts. Every Chekhov scene, every Suzuki routine, every vocal warm up, every tongue twister…the body and mind have ways of reorganizing themselves and adapting, but it takes time. We live in a world of fast solutions and faster disillusions.
It seemed to me that the fine art of discipline is just about one ‘stress’ at a time over a prolonged period of time.
Motivation dies quickly. I don’t wake up everyday bleeding acting and singing the arts’ praises, but I do wake up every day trying to be the best I can be. I learned one vital lesson that has become invaluable to my betterment as a person and as an artist, and it’s laughably simple…
Motivation is not key. Consistency wins over motivation every time. Even if you don’t want to do it, do it anyway.
Word choice is not a coincidence. It’s called “training” for a reason — and what a simple thing it was to reframe my thinking when I realized that. It is impossible to wake up every single day with the best mood, the best motivations, being your most passionate, creative self — if that is the standard you hold as some kind of measure for progress, you will fail time and time again, and it’ll be unclear to you why you’re stuck in this vicious cycle (or maybe it was just unclear to me). The cycle of berating yourself for not being more excited, or more passionate, or more imaginative on a given day, is an ugly boulder to push that is full of ego driven self-sacrifice. It’s not a very practical way to grow.
Some days you won’t feel the passion, or the love, or the motivation. In a sea of incredible, diverse, unique artists that you can encounter here — what a relief it is to know what it means to be present and available anyway, to show up with consistency and…discipline.
Every second counts, even the seconds you don’t like.
Ana Valdés was born and raised in Mexico City. She began her career by acting in several Shakespeare plays and festivals, and was awarded the opportunity to perform at Lincoln Center at the age of 15. She fell in love with New York right then and there, and moved to the city to hone her skills at Tisch School of the Arts. Having graduated four years later, she has worked in multiple areas of the entertainment industry, both on-camera and off. Her experimental film work has been screened internationally, and most notably, at the Ann Arbor Film Festival, the biggest experimental festival in North America. She graduated from the Atlantic Conservatory program in 2022, and is currently working on the development of an original pilot/proof of concept film.
Website: https://www.anavaldfer.com/
Instagram: @ana_valdesf
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