BWW INTERVIEWS: Brian Conley, HAIRSPRAY's New Edna Turnblad

"You look like a woman!" screeches Chloe Hart, London's new Tracy Turnblad, to the man who'll be playing her mother at the Shaftesbury Theatre every night for the next few months. And indeed, Brian Conley, star of stage and screen, makes a surprisingly attractive plump agoraphobic housewife.

I meet him after rehearsals finish for the day - and he's still on a high. He begins by telling me his thoughts on television comedy: "Have you seen Pulling? I've got the box set," he declares. "For two days, me and my wife Anne-Marie watched it. And they pulled it! I don't know what's going on. I don't normally go out of my way to watch a whole series, but it was really brilliant."

He sighs, and explains: "What happens is in the hierarchy, someone's there, does very well, they move, someone else comes in and gets rid of stuff. It's like football managers. When I was on TV, David Liddiment was at ITV and he'd been there for seven years, so you'd got continuity. Once he went, you go out of favour when someone else comes in."

Have you been to see Hairspray recently?

Yes, and I'm going to see it again tonight! The understudy is on - Adam. So Anne-Marie's coming up and we're going to watch it. They've asked me to put a bit of weight on before I start my run, though. And they're going to make me a bigger fat-suit as well.

I remember when LeAnne Jones first started in the show, she lost weight because of the physical demands of the role.

I know, I know. I have gone a bit mad. I don't drink, so with not drinking, the weight fell off me. When you're told, right, put on some weight...they wanted to build me up a bit. If they said go home and lose weight, I wouldn't be able to do it. Because they've said put on weight, I can't do that either.

How did you get this job - did you have to audition or did they ask you?

Everyone has to audition. Michael [Michael Ball] had to audition. They want to know if you can be a woman. I went to see it at Christmas purely as a fan; I took my girls, who are seven and 12, and of course they love Hairspray. They've seen the film. Michael came to see me in The Music Man at Chichester, and afterwards I said if I come to see the show, can I bring my girls back to meet you? And he said of course. So we watched the show, and we loved it, and we went backstage, and the girls tried on the wigs. Then I went away, and it was weird, because a couple of weeks later they said would you be interested in coming along and auditioning? And I said yeah. And it was very quick. It all happened, and then in a week or so they said yeah, you've got it. It's quite sought-after, a lot of people went for it, so I was chuffed.

It's got an energy, it's great comedy, it's a lovely part, it really is. It's not the toughest role in London. You've got the fat-suits and you're going to be got cos there's nowhere for you to breathe with the wig and that. That's it, really. In rehearsal today, they kept going, oh, you've got to do it again, and I was like yeah, let's do it again! I love doing that song.

How are you getting on with the fat-suits?

They're made for me. They're very tight. They give you a cleavage! And then also they colour it. So I've had it all shaved - look, I've had it shaved! [He opens his top button to reveal, indeed, a hairless chest] You've suddenly got a pair of boobs! And I asked for a bellybutton - that's the attention to detail that I have. I couldn't believe it when they said I've got to be made fatter. All the dresses have been made for this fat-suit.

It's the first time there's been a complete cast change with the leads.

I LOVE Chloe [Chloe Hart]. I think Chloe is Tracy. If you're eating, and you stop for a moment, she's all, "Do you want that?" Get her talking about food, that's her specialist subject. And Li [Liam Tamne], who's taking over, is very, very good. It's been open for a while and I hope the three of us will inject something into it. I think Adam's [understudy Adam Price] got a tough job when people are expecting to see Michael. I'll probably have that in my first week. "I didn't know he'd started! I thought it was next week! Oh NO!" I've got a lot of people coming in on my first Monday, so they'll be whooping. I did a tour and I was telling everyone on this tour, so I should imagine a lot of them will come to see me.

When I first went to see it, there was a lady in front of me who didn't realise that Michael Ball was playing Edna...

I'd heard that! That's very weird. They've got to be a bit weird if they don't know - when he starts singing. [He does a passable Michael Ball impression, scaring passers-by.] They're not going to do that with me.

How are you getting on with the heels?

I'm all right. It's a shock, it's all a shock. Once I get really into it, I'll be all right. But I keep forgetting that I'm a woman, and I've got to act like a woman, and I'm not one. I've never been a woman. I keep looking in the mirror and thinking it's Michael Ball, and then I think, "No, it's not, it's me! Oh my God!" It's very, very weird. But it's such wonderful music, and I'm looking forward to it. It's such a young cast as well, that brings it over. What a sound from these people!

And how's your husband?

I love Nigel [Nigel Planer]. I've worked with Nigel before, when we did The Grimleys. He was like the juvenile lead's dad, and I had one scene with him. I met him in readthroughs and the last night party and that. He's very good. We've done Timeless, and changed a couple of bits. He's very tall. I didn't realise Nigel was so tall, he's about six three. He's a big guy.

I haven't kissed him yet. We keep miming the kiss. There's a little kiss and then a big kiss. So we'll see. He's got a moustache. I'm not used to kissing people with moustaches. I'll go home and have stubble burn - "Oh, that's Nigel." What's so lovely about the kissing is that the audience know it's two blokes. He's been my husband for the last hour and a half, we love each other, and that's our moment. I love getting big belly-laughs from an audience, and nothing bothers me at all. Oh, and holding hands, I'm used to my hand going on top, and it's always, "Oops, sorry!" He's leading me! What's happening here?

How long are you in the show for?

When I auditioned they said it was for a year, and I said I can only do till Christmas cos I'm doing pantomime [in Southend]. So I finish in October. I'd love to do longer, and come back. We'll see. I won't have got it out of my system in three months. They'll want to see how good I am. I'll be like please, please can I come back? It's a wonderful show. There's no way three months will be enough. Timeless is my favourite song at the moment - high comedy, sweet, endearing, it's a showstopper. They're all good, though. Even the opening "Oh, oh, oh" - I want to be Tracy!

Have you watched the film?

The original film I'm not a fan of. In the musical film, John Travolta's Baltimore accent is like no accent I've ever heard before. [He does a spot-on nasal whine.] Maybe that's an original Baltimore...no. My Edna, on the other hand, has lived in New York for some time. When I was in Canada doing Jolson, I couldn't hear the difference between Canadian and American. My ears couldn't pick it out. After six months, I could. I was so worried about it. No voice coach came in for me, though - they just said, "That sounds good, that does, Brian." I was worried the audiences would think I was a complete fraud. They do all think you're from Australia, though.

What's the last thing you've seen apart from Hairspray?

Sister Act - opening night, absolutely brilliant. Mindboggling. I loved Avenue Q - someone shouted out, "It's a puppet!" which of course is my catchphrase, and my brother was with me and we thought, oh, here we go, I've been spotted, that's why they've said it. But no, they just said it and had no idea I was actually sitting there! I bet the cast were thinking, "That Brian Conley, he shouted out ‘It's a puppet!'". Jersey Boys - I loved that. It was so slick. I'm glad I saw Ryan Molloy in the lead. I enjoyed Spamalot too.

I think we have a lot more heart in London than on Broadway. They are very mechanical over there. Everything's there, every note, they're clinically brilliant. Every time I see anything there - Matthew Broderick and Nathan Lane, that's why they were so good in The Producers. Actually, my wife took me out there seven years ago to see it, then a few weeks later I got a phone call inviting me to audition. "They want to fly you out there, and they want you to audition." Can my wife come too? "Yes, of course!"

So I went in, I met Mel Brooks, and he said, "Brian, I want you to know that the biggest mistake anyone makes at the start of rehearsals is that they try and play it too Jewish." So I go away, I come back, and they tell me, "You're not Jewish enough, you're not old enough, and you're too good looking." I then saw someone else on Broadway play the role - it was clinically brilliant, but there was no heart. They pull you up on, say, how high you hold your hand. All your blocking is done by numbers. "Start at ten, move to eight."

Any other parts you fancy having a crack at?

I'd love to play Fagin. I'd LOVE to play Fagin. I'd LOVE TO. I didn't even hear about it - Rowan was there, then Omid took over, which is fair enough. I've always wanted to do it; I wanted to do it when it was at the Palladium. I was offered it, and I couldn't do it - Barry Humphries went in.

He did it back in the day, though.

Oh, really? I never knew that. That, anyway, I'd love to do it. I never got The Producers, obviously, otherwise you would have known about it. But it was like Chitty - I went to see it, and a few weeks later I was asked to audition for it. So - I've not been to see this production of Oliver!  yet but when I do, they will ring me to audition soon after!

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