30 DAYS OF NYMF: Day 19 The Brain That Wouldn’t Die! In 3D!!!

30 DAYS OF NYMF: Day 19 The Brain That Wouldn't Die! In 3D!!!

By T. Sivak and E. Gelman
Book and Lyrics

VO: The Brain That Wouldn't Die! In 3D!!! is brought to you in part by ADRENO-SERUM!

BILLY: (OFFSTAGE) Mommy! Mommy!

BILLY ENTERS AND THE LITTLE FINGER ON HIS LEFT HAND HAS BEEN SEVERED, BLOOD SPURTING FROM THE STUB.

MOM: Oh, Holy Mother of Pearl! Billy, what happened?

BILLY: Jimmy and I were playing with Snappy...

MOM: Oh, Lord of Angst, help us! I told you not to play with that turtle!

MC ENTERS, CALMLY, SMILING.

MC: (CHUCKLING) Heh, heh...how many times has this happened to YOU, ladies?

MOM: You'll never play the piano again...OHHH...Saint Hubert of Liege, help me! I've got to get you to the hospital!

MC: Well, now wait just a minute!

MOM STOPS CRYING IMMEDIATELY AND LOOKS AT MC

MOM: Can you help me with a wonderful new product?

MC: Why, yes I can! Here, Mom. (THROWS HER A BOTTLE) Try New and Improved ADRENO-SERUM! Now, with 31 secret herbs and spices!

MOM: But how does it work?

MC: Well... Billy, did you keep that severed finger???BILLY: Kinda. Jimmy made a key ring out of it!

BILLY HOLDS UP THE FINGER. A HOUSE KEY DANGLES FROM A KEY RING INSERTED THROUGH THE NAIL.

MOM: (GRABBING THE FINGER) Heavy Dan Furth, give me that!

MC: Here's all you do. First, keep the wound elevated to help stop the bleeding.

MOM LIFTS THE FINGER UP ABOVE HER HEAD.

MC: Then, open your bottle of New and Improved ADRENO-SERUM! Pour a little on the open wound...

MOM POURS A LITTLE ON BILLY'S FINGER STUMP.

MC: And then drink the rest!

AND PUTS THE BOTTLE TO HER LIPS AND DOWNS IT IN ONE SWIG.

MOM: I feel better all ready.

MC TAKES A SPARE BOTTLE FROM HIS POCKET AND BILLY DRINKS IT HAPPILY.

MC: Then, just put the severed part back where it belongs and hold it there for ten seconds! That's right, ladies and gentlemen, ten seconds!

MOM: Did you say, "Ten seconds?"

MOM PUTS FINGER BACK IN PLACE, AND HOLDS IT THERE, COUNTING TO TEN.

MC: No hospital visits, no stitches, just ten seconds and you're as good as new!

BILLY HOLDS UP HIS HAND AND ALL FIVE FINGERS ARE THERE, BUT THE REATTACHED ONE STILL HAS THE KEY RING AND KEY DANGLING FROM IT.

BILLY: Hey, Mom! I'll never lose my key again! ??THEY ALL LAUGH.

VO: Ask your doctor if ADRENO-SERUM! is right for you!

Want to know if ADRENO-SERUM is right for you? To learn more or to buy your tickets to The Brain That Wouldn't Die! In 3D!!! go to www.nymf.org/thebrainthatwouldntdiein3d or call 212-352-3101