Best In-Show Insults?

[GlindatheGood22]

I was very disappointed to see that the "Best Insults" thread isn't about insults from plays or musicals. So - some of your favorites?

I think I'm going with, "If you existed, I'd divorce you."

[qolbinau]

You're about as sexy as a wet cardboard box..

[Playbilly]

Just read "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?" No need to go further.

BEAN BAG!

[chewy5000]

Thee entirety of "Bosom Buddies"

[EponineAmneris]

"Leave! Get out! Go be someone else's parasite!" --- Freddie to Florence in the musical CHESS.

[Playbilly]

"Best Friends" from The Wild Party

[LimelightMike]

"You have the touch of a sex-starved cobra!"

[Kad]

"She almost looks human- it must be the lighting."

[Idiot]

"I've already had your husband."

[muscle23ftl]

Anne: "She's ravishingly beautiful"

Frederick: "Make up"!

Speaking of Desiree in "Night Music"

[jnb9872]

"She's a tight c**t wrapped around ambition." from Speed-the-Plow. I can't think of anything that comes close, but Roma's legendary tirade against Williamson ("Whoever told you you could work with men?... You stupid ****ing c**t... You fairy...") is up there in the Mamet canon, but it's not as clever a moment of wordplay.

[Quiche2]

Not from Broadway, but had to mention this one. I saw a commercial where one old lady told another old lady, "May your marinara sauce never cling to your pasta!" LOLOLOLOLOL I laughed so hard after seeing that. Like I said, in no way is this from anything associated with Broadway. Definitely up there in the best insults ever though.

[CATSNYrevival]

^Are you sure that wasn't The Golden Girls?

[StageManager2]

^
I believe that was from The Golden Girls, between Sophia and her sister Angela.


But if you could see her through my eyes... she wouldn't look Jewish at all!

[Quiche2]

It may have been in a commercial promoting The Golden Girls, but I definitely didn't see it on there because you couldn't pay me to watch that show.

[michellek45]

"Shut up, I'm fat!"

"Not everywhere!"

[quizking101]

"Why don't you light your tampon on fire and blow your box apart, because it's the only bang you're ever going to get, sweeheart."

Ah, PRISCILLA

[little_sally]

I loved that line from Priscilla and couldn't remember it word-for-word. Thanks for posting it!

[OperaBwayLover]

I won't say it's my absolute favorite, but it's the only one I can think of at the moment:

"You want to act like a tool? Then go sleep in the shed." (Addams Family)

[RENT_is_Wicked2]

Glinda: Unusually and exceedingly peculiar and all together quite impossible to describe.

Elphaba: ......... Blonde.

Haha, Wicked.

[ClumsyDude15]

The entirety of You Must Meet My Wife from A Little Night Music on Desiree's end.

"Does your cousin dance?" "Like a drunk Chita Rivera." -- In the Heights.

"And I bet your milkshake brings ALL the boys to the yard." -- Peter and the Starcatcher.

[winston89]

If you try to shag my husband while I'm still alive, I'll shove The Art of Motorcycle maintenance up your rancid little c--t, there's a good dear.

Tom Stoppard's Rock N Roll.

[strummergirl]

"Not on your salary–not on an Associate Professor's salary!"- Martha to George, Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?

[Matt3358]

Favorite Insult comes from A Midsummer Night's Dream
Hermia to Helena: You juggler! You canker-blossom!

[ChairinMain]

Peter and the Starcatchers has a great blink and you'll miss it insult:

"He smelt like smelt."

[Gothampc]

I'm not sure if this was in the stage play or not, but no list of insults can be complete without it.


Jean & Marie