My dad is big and broad, with a goatee and shoulders covered in tattoos. His hair was once long and brown, but now he keeps it short and it's a gorgeous silver/grey. His everyday look is jeans and some sort of Harley shirt. He works for the family welding business and has two Harley-Davidsons, one for everyday riding and one from the year he was born that he's always tinkering with. He's a teddy bear, but a little rough around the edges. He is also very Southern and very set in his ways. My sexuality is not something he ever wanted on his radar, but he assumed I would meet a good man and settle down and have babies. When that didn't happen, he just refused to discuss it.
This was all well and good until I fell in love, moved to another country and got married. The issue was forced, but he still refused to talk. He knew my "girlfriend" and why I was moving, but didn't want to hear it. When my mom told him that we had gotten married, he said, "God, I wish you hadn't even told me that." Needless to say, it's been tough. Our once pretty close relationship was almost non-existent. I never doubted that he loved me, but I couldn't talk to him beyond basics and pleasantries anymore.
Over the past few months, I could tell that things were getting a little better. He grabbed my wife on our last night in the US in January and gave her a big hug, unprompted. When I called him a couple of weeks ago to remind him that my mom's birthday was in a few days, he ended the call with, "Baby, call your old man a little more often!" That made me cry.
Well, cut to today. A good friend of his passed away unexpectedly on Saturday. He and his biker friends were at a gathering before the visitation when one of the guys, who I have known since birth, asked about me. Daddy told him that I had moved to Sweden and, of course, the friend asked why. In front of about 10 guys, my dad said, "Well, you know Amber has always done her own thing. She fell in love with a woman, got married and moved over there." The friend thought for a moment, laughed and said, "Well, at least she didn't marry a yankee!" (laughs all around.) Then my brother's best friend said, "(Dad's name), I have never heard you say that. Of course, I have known for a long time, but it's good to hear you talk about it." Daddy said, "I'll tell you, I have had a really hard time with it. All I want is for her to be happy and she is happy. And now I am happy for her." The old friend asked him if my wife was pretty to which he replied, "Now that's like asking if my daughter is pretty. Of course I think she is pretty!" Then my brother's best friend said, "Well, she ain't my daughter. She's really pretty!"
My brother's friend had to call my mom right away so she could call me. Needless to say, it made my night.
I don't care if you don't think this warrants its own thread. I am over the moon right now and wanted to share with some folks who I thought could get it without causing my dad any embarrassment on Facebook. Thanks for taking the time to read this!
I wish I was with you to give you the biggest hug right now!
I remember your telling me (at a party a few years ago) that you hadn't had the acceptance you hoped for (and deserved!) from your family. I am overjoyed that the acceptance has finally come your way! I'm sorry you had to wait for it, but, I am sure that this is the sweetest feeling.
There's nothing like that father/daughter bond, and now yours is even stronger.
Thank you, everyone. This is such a huge day for our family. My mom and I cried on the phone together. I can't wait to tell my wife, but she's doing an overnight shift at work and hopefully sleeping. I knew I would get the support I needed here. :)
Such a great tale of love and patience rewarded. The temptation to actively sever ties with family and former friends who are slow to accept our Truth can be really powerful. Well-meaning friends tell us that we "don't need" people in our lives who won't accept us as we are and trumpet the empowerment that supposedly comes from telling them to go to hell. But I think your story illustrates the wisdom of giving people time to grow and change.
Such a happy post. Thanks for sharing. At the moment the relationship with our oldest (a girl) is a bit strained but it is being worked on by everyone. So it is wonderful to hear a story of healing.
Yeah, I used a little play on words, but that's really how it felt. lol 95% of his friends know, as my brother runs with the same group. It was just such a big deal for him to say it to these men. He's never even said anything positive about it to my mom. I think they are the biggest reason it has taken him so long. I kept waiting for one of them to make a derogatory comment and for him to feel the need to punch them in the mouth.
I finally got to tell my wife and she said, "There is very little that can make me smile at 6 am. Lots can make me cry. I never imagined anything could do both at the same time."
What a Wonderful and Beautiful Story !!! Sometimes it is hard for some parents to fully accept our choices but it feels so amazingly great when they finally do !! I'm really Happy for you ! All the best !
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joined:9/4/05
Posted: 6/25/12 at 07:38pm