Best In-Show Insults?

[Gothampc]

I'm not sure if this was in the stage play or not, but no list of insults can be complete without it.


Jean & Marie

[Phantom of London]

From the tedious Clybourne Park.

"What has a character in the play and a tampon got in common?"

"The're both stuck up ****s"

[SamIAm2]

"Master of The House" from Les Miz. Lots of great stuff, but my favorite is:

Cunning little brain
Regular Voltaire
Thinks he's quite a lover
But there's not much there

[aaronb]

Going to echo the OP: "If you existed, I'd divorce you."

[Miranda3]

This is from TV, but the line was spoken by Nancy Marchand, as Mrs. Pynchon in the old "Lou Grant" series. She gets on an elevator, where an obnoxious middle-aged fat-cat in a power suit is smoking a huge cigar. She says, "I'd ask you not to smoke, but I don't want to deprive you of the only thing that lights up in your presence." Priceless.

[SonofRobbieJ]

I'm a fan of 'You've seen more ass than a toilet seat, and I bet you all make 'em all call you the Champ' from The Wild Party.

[Queen of the Night]

Val: (to Sheila, IIRC) I didn't want them like yours. I wanted them in proportion.

[Hex3]

"I always knew you'd f*ck a snake if they held it's head."