From the Desk of the Jovial Impresario

Cranky with the Heat

By "Broadway Bill" Schmalfeldt

I hate this time of year. 

I hate hot, muggy weather.  It makes me want to throw things at the television when I see the idiot newscasters talking about "what a nice 4^th of July weekend it was" when it fact it was 95 degrees and 100 percent humidity.  That is not "nice."  It is hell.  Hot, stinky, sweaty hell!

Also, it's "the off season."  I find myself looking at the calendar waiting for two things to happen.

1.     Football.  And not that "pretend football" played in arenas and broadcast on NBC.  REAL football.  NFL Football.  And it can't come soon enough.

2.     The new Broadway season.  "Avenue Q" opens at the end of the month.  And then we in the Broadway Punditry will have something to talk about again.

So what do we do in the meantime?  Well, we can write columns like this one in which we pontificate on random subjects.  For instance…

Is this a horrible time to be a celebrity or WHAT?  In the last month… Buddy Hackett, Buddy Ebsen, Barry White, Gregory Peck, Kate Hepburn.  Makes you wonder who's gonna be next.  And what kind of sick person takes part in those office pools where you guess which celebrity is going to be the third in a group of three to kick the bucket?  And why do I keep saying it's gonna be Bob Hope even though he keeps going strong at the age of 100?

When will it STOP?  Oh boy!  Word that the Bee Gees are discussing a multi-million dollar musical featuring their music.  Didn't we learn anything from Saturday Night Fever?  (To which producers answer… "No, we learned from Mamma Mia!")  Once again, "familiarity breeds content."

It's Almost 2004!  Got an e-mail the other day from Larry O'Keefe ("Batboy," "The Mice from 3hree" and "Sarah Plain and Tall") supporting the candidacy of Democratic presidential hopeful Howard Dean.  Just a reminder that there's a presidential election next year.  Maybe THIS one will COUNT?

And on that happy note…

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